A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
When my kids were young, one of our favorite books was Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. In this book, a little boy named Alexander goes through a day where everything seems to go wrong, from no prize in his breakfast cereal to a cavity at the dentist. His brothers seem to have all of the good luck; Alexander just wants to run away to Australia. At the end of the day, his mother reminds him that some days are just like that, even in Australia.
It’s a universal truth that bad things happen to everyone. Life is hard and then you die. (See, I’m not always a barrel of sunshine!).
Today I’m having a terrible, horrible day, although I recognize the whole day doesn’t have to be bad (there’s that sunshine!). I woke up at 3 am with a migraine, which is very much tied to my Functional Neurological Disorder. The initial onset of my FND coincided with the worst migraine I’ve ever had in October, 2000. I’ll leave it to the neurologists to explain that, but it makes sense to me that when my brain is malfunctioning with a migraine, that malfunctioning spills over to how my brain directs my muscles.
My wonderful husband recognized the symptoms when I stumbled to the bathroom at 3 this morning and responded to his questions in my stuttering FND voice. He brought me my migraine medicine, heated up my rice bag to soothe my painful head, and rubbed my back to help me relax. What a great guy! No wonder I’ve stuck with him for 40 years!
When I got out of bed later, I canceled my plans for the day. Full body breakdown calls for emergency control measures. Trying to “push through” symptoms is an invitation to disaster.
The first thing I do to regain some control is to spend some time in front of the big mirror I have in my bedroom. I remind myself that that’s me I see in there (dissociation and depersonalization are topics for another day). I watch myself do some yoga stretches, letting my brain fully connect to my muscles as they move. I stretch out some kinks from my migraine, noticing how good my body feels as the muscles relax.
Now my body and mind are more connected. My gait returns to normal and my speech is better also. Time to provide my brain with some much-needed fuel after a rough night. Breakfast helps clear a little of the brain fog, but I still feel utterly exhausted. Back to bed! Sleep is what my body needs most right now. It is clearly communicating that and I am listening. After a few hours sleep, the migraine is much better. I’m still not at my best, but I feel up to trying to work on a project for a little while. The distraction from my symptoms helps a little more.
On days like this, I know not to push myself too hard. Sometimes ignoring what my body needs leads to it scream louder for attention by throwing increased physical symptoms my way. When I listen carefully to what it needs and provide self-care, it responds positively to the nurturing. We are all different, but my personal history that I believe led me down this road includes a lack of nurturance in childhood. I’m an adult now, a mother and a grandmother. I am capable of providing myself the nurturing that my parents could not. I deserved it when I was a child and I deserve it now. So do you, whatever your circumstances.
I realize that self-care and the ability to focus on my own needs are easier for me at this stage of my life. No one else is demanding my attention. I don’t have to worry about keeping a job to support my family. I don’t have young children whose care takes priority over my own. For those of you who do have those concerns, I’m sorry I don’t have all of the answers. I remember the struggle of competing demands. Do the best you can, enlist as much help as you can, and remember, tomorrow is a new day. Today may be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, but some days are like that. Even in Australia.
Take good care of yourself today!
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