Resolutions
May the year 2021 bring us health, normalcy, and the end of the pandemic. May we never again take for granted being able to see and hug those we love. For me, and I suspect most of us who have followed precautions, that has been the most difficult part of this year. We watched our granddaughter open the doll I had made for her from a distance, outside. My arms ached to hold her, but my daughter is pregnant, has a chronic illness, and we are being extremely careful. The new year should bring vaccinations for my husband and me, and I’ve never been so excited to be poked with a needle.
In the past, I’ve made New Year’s resolutions, but the past few years I stopped because it felt like a “Destined to Fail” list. This year, I’m going to challenge myself with a couple of realistic ones.
- Losing 10 pounds has had a perennial place on the list. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t, but even when I succeed, it has a way of finding me again. I’m not going to put losing weight on the list, although I’d love for it to happen. I AM going to resolve to eat things that make me feel good and promote good health. This past week, I have had migraines nearly every day. The culprit? Chocolate. It makes me sick. I hate how I feel after eating it. Why do I do something that makes me feel so awful?
- More movement. We are excited that we should have a new house this year, on a 1 acre lot that needs a lot of work. Working outside is one of my favorite things to do. This one should be easy.
- I’m going to make creativity a priority. Painting brings me joy. I tend to put it off, believing that it’s not worthy of my time. I’m working to change that perspective!
My last goal comes as a result of some self-reflection. I think that self-discovery is so important when you have Functional Neurological Disorder. Only you can access all of the thoughts that go through your mind, then explore them and make adjustments when necessary.
As I was sitting at my sewing machine finishing up some Christmas gifts, I had the thought, “I hate sewing!”. Whoa, where did that come from? My back hurt from being hunched over the machine. I wasn’t having fun. It felt like a chore.
I stopped for a few minutes and thought about it. Suddenly, I had a flashback to my high school years. My mother and I were having a conversation about which electives I should take. My schedule was packed with AP and Honors courses. I was an excellent student, in Honor Society, at the top of my class, and always on the Honor Roll. I wanted a break. I wanted to do something fun. Art was one of my favorite pastimes, but my mother deemed it a “waste of time”. “Take something useful, like shorthand,” she insisted. That thought makes me laugh. I wonder how many people alive now know shorthand? That one didn’t have staying power on the useful skills list. My mother and I compromised and I took a sewing class. At least it was creative, but it met her criteria for usefulness.
Remembering that conflict is a great example of how our unconscious thoughts and beliefs can drive our day to day decisions. I have to wonder how much of my back pain from sewing is due to poor body mechanics and how much is a reaction to a long buried resentment of being forced to sew when I wanted to paint. I’m not throwing away my sewing machine. I do enjoy being able to make many things that I imagine that you can’t buy in stores.
The realization that I had subconsciously accepted the belief that art wasn’t worthy of my time helped me confront it and change it. Only I can decide what is worth my time. Art is one of the best uses of my time. When I paint, I lose myself. Everything I have worried about disappears as I focus on painting.
What do you love to do that you don’t make time for? What messages have you buried that are keeping you from doing what you want? Do you think that any subconscious beliefs could be affecting your FND?
My challenge to you in the new year is to create a more joyful life. Do what you love to do. Don’t let anyone stop you.
Not even yourself.
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