Sensory Sensitivity
“Sensory Overload” was a painting I did when I needed to express how overwhelming the world felt to me. Naked, vulnerable, curled up in a bubble, trying to shut out the noise, lights, and crowds in the world around me. Why must the world be so LOUD????
This is a post I’ve wanted to write for some time, but I haven’t because I don’t have the answers that I want to provide. I asked others in my Facebook FND support groups for their best tips, but the response was underwhelming. Other than using earplugs and tinted glasses, most of us seem to be stumped about how to deal with this problem.
I turned to Google for answers. Apparently many professionals working with those of us with sound sensitivity fear that the use of ear plugs may actually make our sensitivity worse. When we shut out the noise, it seems even louder when we are next exposed to it. That makes sense, but in the midst of a noisy restaurant when I’m trying to be present with my family, I resort to whatever helps me tolerate the discomfort for as long as possible.
Some experts recommend exposure therapy to increase our tolerance to sound. Wearing earphones, the volume of what is called “pink noise” is gradually increased until sound tolerance is improved. This treatment can be time consuming, and frankly, sounds miserable to me. It seems a little like treating my migraines by hitting my head with a hammer so that I learn to get used to the pain. No thanks!
Currently I am in the middle of an awful situation related to my sound sensitivity. When we moved from the sleepy mountain town I loved so that we could be closer to our granddaughter, I knew it was important to try to find another home where I could be surrounded by nature and lots of peace and quiet. We found a home that met that need, but the inspection revealed an attic full of black mold. That was a deal-breaker for us, so we backed out of the contract and kept looking. Unfortunately in our haste to find somewhere to live, we compromised on a house in a suburban neighborhood located on a street that was busier than we realized. Somehow, we never thought about the fact that the master bedroom was right next to the street. The first night in the house, I was shocked by the noise of traffic that felt like it was racing right next to my head.
My health is suffering. I still am functioning adequately, but I’m not thriving like I was when I was in a peaceful environment. Fatigue sets in earlier in the day. It seems like my brain is struggling to cope with the excess stimulation and it gets tired more easily. With the fatigue comes feelings of weakness and brain fog. Instead of feeling like I’m on top of my symptoms, I feel like I’m constantly running defense, fighting off the old familiar feelings of an out-of-balance nervous system. I’m still mostly winning, but the battle needs to stop.
My husband recognizes the change in me and feels terrible about it. This house was far more appealing to him than it was to me. In spite of my attempts to communicate the importance of a peaceful setting, he didn’t really get it. Now he does. Lesson learned. We will never again compromise on that.
So, only seven months after purchasing this house, it is back on the market. I can’t live here. It’s a great house with lots of wonderful features and if you live in Colorado, I highly recommend you buy it! Unless you have overwhelming sensory sensitivity, that is.
We found a beautiful one acre lot not far from where we are currently living. The location is ideal- still near all of the services we need, not far from our daughter or the new friends I am making, close to the swimming pool I love to swim in, and most importantly, on a dead end street with no neighbors in back of us. There is a beautiful grove of Ponderosa pine trees behind where the house will be built. Trees bring me so much peacefulness. They are a source of healing for me. Deer have left evidence of their presence on the lot and I look forward to living in close proximity to them again. Last week our realtor saw a bear wandering our future neighborhood. That’s pretty exciting and I hope to see bears, but maybe not too close!
I’ve been feeling quite a bit of failure as a result of the house experience. My inner critic keeps asking, “Who sells a house that quickly?”. The real estate market in Colorado is still very good, thank goodness, but nevertheless we will take a loss due to realtor, closing, and moving fees. I’ve debated quite a bit about the wisdom of taking a loss, but after sleeping in different bedrooms in the house, buying a white noise machine, trying different earplugs and sleep headphones, I’ve decided that my peace is worth whatever moving again may cost. I’m a decent problem solver, but I haven’t been able to solve this one.
One of the things that Functional Neurological Disorder has taught me is that health is fragile. It can’t be taken for granted. If I have found a way to be healthy that works for me, I’m going to stick with it. For me, being in close proximity to nature and quiet surroundings bring me better function. That is worth whatever it costs.
As I have wrestled with the issue of sensory sensitivity, it occurred to me that maybe the problem isn’t me (or anyone else who has this issue), but the world we live in. As humans, we are a part of nature. Would any of us be surprised if a wild animal dropped in the middle of a busy, noisy city reacted with panic and confusion? Of course not! That environment would be foreign and incredibly stressful. Maybe many of us have brains wired for the quieter natural environment that was the norm for most of human existence. Perhaps brains like ours react with panic when confronted with too much to process at once. Maybe our overloaded circuits shut down, unable to function normally, or at the other end of the spectrum, start firing randomly with twitching, tics, spasms, and seizures. Serenity may be a necessity for some of us.
I’m not the only one to recognize that increasing noise levels are a problem. “It’s a Noisy Planet” is a public education campaign which promotes awareness about noise levels as a means to protect children’s hearing. They have an excellent article about the increased noise levels in restaurants. I also discovered an app called SoundPrint that publicizes sound levels in restaurants. I just downloaded it and plan to participate in screening noise levels in the restaurants that I visit. One of my wonderful friends always asks for the music to be turned down when we are in a restaurant together. I tend to feel embarrassed about my sensitivity and prefer not to draw attention to it, but I think I need to speak up. In the US, smoking in public places is now nearly non-existent thanks to health education and public demand to reduce exposure. My hope is that someday others will recognize the benefits of a quieter environment and the volume of the world will lessen.
There have been times that I’ve been tempted to purposely damage my hearing in order to tone down the volume. I remember with envy my grandmother’s tactic of turning off her hearing aids when she was tired of listening. I know that’s a terrible idea. There are so many sounds that I love and that soothe me- ocean waves, babbling brooks, the wind blowing through the trees, crashing waterfalls, the songs of birds, my granddaughter’s infectious laugh. To hear is a precious gift, I know. I just wish it wasn’t so painful at times.
For now, I’m going to accept that my brain needs peace. There’s nothing wrong with that. Acceptance of myself, including all of my frailties, is important to my well-being. Why do I feel that it’s necessary to manage the overwhelming sensory input present in the world today? Perhaps I need to look at my sensitivity as a gift instead of a curse. Yes, it is often annoying to notice every teeny, tiny thing in my environment. On the other hand, I’m the first to notice and appreciate the beauty around me. The brilliant colors of the sunset, a gorgeous butterfly flitting by, wildflowers hiding along the trail- I’m grateful that those things don’t escape me. How drab would the world be if not for the sensitive souls who create beauty in the written word, art, and music?
Wishing you peace and serenity along your journey,
*Update*- Never say something can’t change! I’m happy to report my sensory sensitivity is improving.
Read this post! Coaching Yourself to Better Health
2 Comments
Thank you for writing this. I have huge sensory overload….so challenging to manage. I only got diagnosed w/FND 2 months ago but have had health issues for 25 years….many which can fall under the FND umbrella. Have you tried the Safe and Sound Protocol? It is a trauma-informed procedure based on Stephen Porges’ work….and helps balance the Nervous System. It works more directly w/the auditory system I think. I’m not in a place to try it right now, but am curious how it might work w/sensory overload?
I live N of Boulder…if there are ever FND events in the Denver-ish area, I’d love to know! I am learning I can’t do I25 well anymore, but there are still ways to get to Denver.
Thank you for your blog….I’m reading it in small pieces bc it so aligns w/my experience, it’s SO validating.
Best
Chris
Hi Chris,
I’m so glad that you’ve found my blog helpful! I haven’t heard of the Safe and Sound Protocol. I’ll have to check it out.
Best of luck in your healing journey!
Max