Create New Brain Connections
Going public with my FND recovery story was very much because of a desire to share ideas that could lead others into their own recovery, but my decision to start a blog to help others with Functional Neurological Disorder wasn’t solely due to altruism. It was part of my self-created treatment plan.
After being diagnosed with FND, I was basically left on my own to figure out how to restore my function. I knew that my recovery was all up to me. Sadly, despite the prevalence of this disorder, treatment programs are nearly non-existent. My dream for the future is for Functional Neurological Disorder to be widely recognized by the public and the medical community, and for treatment programs to be available and accessible to anyone who is diagnosed with this debilitating disorder.
As I first approached the project of restoring my speech and mobility, the serendipitous discovery of using a mirror to watch my muscles move seemed miraculous as it reconnected my brain with my body. I knew that regaining control of my muscles was only one piece of my recovery, though. My brain had gradually declined in a multitude of ways, so I needed to learn how to strengthen its overall function. My plan is to never stop pursuing new ways to nurture my brain health. The internet is such a gift for people like me who love to explore new ideas to confront the challenges we all face.
Brains are incredible, aren’t they? Think of all of the things your brain directs in your body. I am thrilled that I don’t have to stop and think through all of the processes that my brain does automatically for me. I’m glad I don’t have to understand all of the complex physiological pathways directing hormones, temperature regulation, immune system functioning, breathing, movement, etc., for them to work. Thanks, brain!
Embrace Learning
Learning brains are happy brains. We used to believe that our brains stopped forming new connections once we reached adulthood. Now we know that isn’t true and we can use that information to make our brains healthier and perform better.
Before I started my blog, I had no idea what widgets, plugins, or SEO were. It was like learning a new language, which is one of the best ways to challenge your brain. The course I took to learn how to create a blog promised it would only take 5 days, but that was overly optimistic. It took me days to figure out each of the dozens of steps to get my blog to function. There was so much frustration involved, but I resolved not to quit. Many times I had to stop and give myself a pep talk, trying to convince myself that I could do it. There were days that I just had to put the blog aside and spend some time recharging my weary brain. It was difficult to pull off, but once I finally figured it out and went live, the feeling of satisfaction was incredible! The learning continues as I try to figure out the best ways to reach hurting, desperate people with FND who are without resources. Every time I write a new post, I challenge my brain to think about what to write, how to best say the things I want to communicate, and then harness the amazing automaticity my brain has developed when typing the words. What a great brain workout!
Try Something New
When I think about how best to develop new brain connections, I try to tap into areas that I don’t normally use. Writing is new territory for me. Part of the reason I chose science as a major in college was that there was less term paper writing involved. Surprisingly, I have found that I enjoy writing more than I previously thought. Creative projects like painting, knitting, and other crafts have always been enjoyable to me and I am finding that writing falls into the category of creativity.
Last year, my husband and I celebrated our 40th anniversary. Milestone anniversaries are marked with a fun vacation, so we decided to take a long cruise to Hawaii to celebrate this one. Cruising to Hawaii involves far too many days at sea I learned, but thankfully the cruise line offered lots of activities to help the days go by. Learning to play the ukulele sounded interesting, so I gave it a try. Music is not something I usually explore, so it seemed like a good idea to do a little brain development in that area. I wish I could report that I discovered a new talent, but no one in the music industry has anything to worry about as far as competition from me. However, I did have a great time, made a new friend, and bolstered my sound sensitivity problem. All in all, a worthwhile experience!
Reading
During the worst of my brain dysfunction, reading became difficult. I couldn’t keep track of what I read and often couldn’t even figure out what the words on a page meant. It’s been a long road back, but I’m happy to report that I once again enjoy reading. When I returned to reading, I started with juvenile fiction and worked my way up from there. The Chronicles of Narnia and Little House on the Prairie were old, familiar friends that led me back to reading comprehension. Now I can once again read books I enjoy, but I still find academic articles difficult. With time, I believe that challenging articles will become easier to interpret and I’m going to keep trying.
Create New Goals
When I left my job as a physician assistant 11 years ago, I saw no reason to keep my PA certification current. I had no plans to return to the chaotic world of medical practice. The stress of that position is difficult to manage with a brain that needs to rest when necessary and has a tendency to shut down when things become overwhelming. Even though I am doing much better, I know that a return to that kind of schedule and pressure would be an invitation to disaster. Much of my health depends on a lifestyle conducive to a quick change of plans if needed and a calm environment.
As I’ve become more active in FND advocacy, I made it a personal goal to re-establish my certification. It’s not necessary, but having the certification may open a few more doors in the future. I’ve attended two FND medical conferences in the past few years. I’m sure other attendees didn’t even notice, but having a PA after my name instead of a PA-C didn’t feel right. I worked hard to get my professional credentials and I wanted them back! I decided that taking on the challenge of recertification would be a great addition to my brain retraining program.
A few months ago I started the pathway to recover my certification. First, I had to obtain 100 hours of continuing medical education. Since I hadn’t practiced medicine for so many years and would have to once again take a board examination, I decided to take an online review course to reach my CME requirement. It felt a little odd to be studying medicine again. It’s been 25 years since I graduated from PA school, so I was a little rusty. Okay, a lot rusty.
When I was listening to lectures, memorizing long-forgotten facts, and taking practice exams, a funny thing happened. My brain woke up! It felt incredible to realize that I hadn’t lost as much brain power as I had thought. Back in the days when I was a student, my brain was probably my favorite part of myself. My intellect defined me to a large extent. When FND entered my life, my feelings about my brain changed. I felt like it had betrayed me. I didn’t understand how my brain could suddenly seem to develop a mind of its own without my consent. It was no longer under my control.
My brain and I are becoming friends again. I’m learning to take back control. I used to be afraid that my symptoms could come back and take over my life again, but that fear is lessening. Lately I’ve been experimenting with states of mind and have become aware of the control over my symptoms that I can create through a calm, confident mindset. Meditation has helped a lot with learning to enter that state.
Last week I approached the final hurdle to recertification, my board exam. Completing the four hour long exam felt like a huge accomplishment, regardless of the results. If you have Functional Neurological Disorder, you know how difficult it is to maintain focus and a clear mind for that long of a stretch. Yesterday I learned that I passed! Once again, I am a PA-C. It feels good, even if I never have a need for it. Recertification restored a little of the confidence I had lost to FND.
Whether or not you have FND, I encourage you to create a workout for your brain. Your brain is your most important organ, central to your very existence. Nurture it. Learn new things, find new challenges to tackle. You may discover, as I did, that your brain will reward you for making its well-being your top priority.
2 Comments
This is a really great article. I have had similar growth experiences since I began my journey with FND, especially with blogging. All those seasoned bloggers do say you can set up your blog in a week. It took me 5 months to learn how to set it up and actually post something on my blog. Lol. Learning how to blog has been one of my greatest accomplishments since my FND was triggered.
I also got back into cross stitch and that is fun a well, especially because I can do it with brain fog.
I will say, I think the mirror technique that you used is genius. Thankfully my paralysis has always been temporary, but now I have this trick in my back pocket if I ever need it. 🙂
Hi Sara, Thanks for your comments! I took a quick glance at your blog and I’m looking forward to spending some time reading through your journey. Any tips for overcoming paralysis? I’m working with someone who is having a hard time pulling out of it. Unfortunately the mirror wasn’t as magic for him as it was for me. Take care! Max